


Over you

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, I’m sorry yams for making you suffer, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Other, Pain, hanahaki, lol forgive me, please give this fic a chance, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:15:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22370914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I can’t get over you.(OR, Yamaguchi gets the hanahaki disease for his best friend since childhood, Tsukishima Kei.)
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 326





	Over you

**Author's Note:**

> please do not read this it is very sucky!!!!!!!

DONT READ THIS ITS REALLY BAD

I can’t get over you.

"The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. It can be cured without side effects only when the feelings are returned."

When the disease first came, petals of different gorgeous colours and gentle shapes, Yamaguchi was only 10.

10, talking to his mother about how amazing and cool his best friend Tsukki was.

Only 10, and his hopes and dreams were being crushed like a wilting flower.

Only 10, and he learned that the person who he loved, Tsukki, didn’t love him back.

Only 10, and coughing up sun-coloured rose petals, stained with splotches of ruby red blood.

Only 10, and sobbing into his mother’s arms, the pain blinding his senses, sending him into a frenzy.

He was only 10.

-

I still can’t get over you.

Yamaguchi Tadashi, now 15 and in Karasuno High school.

15 and still hopelessly in love with his best friend, Tsukki.

He played volleyball alongside Tsukki - It was fun, for the most part.

What was not fun was the fact that he pretty much sucked at it, causing him to be a permanent bench warmer.

Yeah.

Like he said, not fun.

It sucked to see all the other first years, Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukki, playing on the court, midnight black crow wings spread out to take flight.

And they flew - Beyond expectations, beyond reality.

Just flying into a blissful warm sky, soft clouds scattering their universe.

Yamaguchi wished he could fly too, but his wings seemed to be clipped.

Clipped - As to force him to stay on the ground for eternity.

He tried to grab onto the back of their wings, as if to say ‘Take me along too’, but his hands fell short, grasping and grabbing at mere air.

He wondered if he would ever take flight.

And he clung onto his secret, his love for Tsukki.

It was heavy - Real heavy.

He wondered, if he let it go, would he be able to fly as well?

He didn’t want to - His secret may weigh him down, but in return it gives warmth and comfort, familiarity and safety.

So he continues to cling onto it, burying his fragile mind in it, knowing that it might even cost his life but keeping it anyways, as he watches the others take flight, leaving him behind.

Staring at the warm blue sky, he coughed, petals overflowing, a sour, unpleasant scent clouding his nose.

And he covered his mouth as he sunk to his knees, throwing up heaps of bitter sunshine-coloured roses.

-

He focuses on the ball before him, but he’s shivering and the nerves in his stomach make him want to throw up. He had just been called over - To show off his new float serve at the match with Seijoh. As a pinch server.

Fun.

He thinks sarcastically, hands trembling.

His stomach churns, cold sweat trickling down the back of his neck.

The sounds of the gym surrounds him, blending together and swirling nonstop around his head, trapping him in it.

He can’t breathe.

He can faintly make out the sound of a whistle, signaling him to serve.

His heart pounds, as he attempts to stretch his wings and fly, just like the others.

He hits the ball, and it soars, wobbling slightly throughout the air.

And it hits -

Not the ground as in a service ace,

But the white tape above the net.

It falls, gently landing right beside Tsukki.

It falls, like the ending of a rainbow.

It falls, like Yamaguchi’s makeshift wings.

And Tsukki turns back to look at Yamaguchi, disappointment, pity, and annoyance laced into his honey-coloured eyes.

The crowd goes scarily silent, a couple whispers amongst them, “Yikes, freckle-guy couldn’t even do a serve - How bad even is he?”

“I thought he’d be good at serving - And he couldn’t even make a single serve in.”

“He’s ugly too - Those freckles hurt my eyes.”

And all Yamaguchi can hear is their voices, and all he can see are their eyes.

He meets Tsukki’s gaze timidly, and his stomach churns with petals as Tsukki shakes his head gently.

His mouth quivers, the petals wanting to escape.

He forces them down, swallowing through the pain.

...Not fun.

Not fun at all.

The wings which he were trying to unfold have given up half-way, leaving him, the bird, to tumble downwards.

And he falls, almost resembling the ball he had just served minutes ago.

A sob escapes his throat as he buries his face in his hands, ignoring the petals that are sure to come up soon.

-

Hovering slightly above the toilet, Yamaguchi coughs again, feeling the blood-slick petals slide their way out, gathering in a puddle.

He cringes at the sight, it’s ugly and gross and nasty and if possible, Yamaguchi would like to never do so again.

His traitorous lungs heave again, throwing Yamaguchi’s body forward.

Gross.

Staring at the flowers, Yamaguchi sits up and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

Plucking one last petal off his tongue, he makes his way out of the bathroom.

Stupid flowers.

…

...They're going to kill him, aren’t they？

“Haah,” He exhales out, stretching.

And he looks up at the sky, wishing yet again that he could fly.

-

It’s a wonder how he hasn’t died yet, really.

At this point, Yamaguchi can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not.

…

Pathetic.

-

Breathing.

It hurts to breathe.

Living, eating, sleeping, just even looking at him hurts like hell.

He exhales shakily, a wet noise escaping from his throat. It’s a sick sound and Yamaguchi hates it - It sounds like blood-covered flowers scattering the floor, of tears blinked back too many times.

He’d appreciate it if would just stop.

His failure at Inter-high still fresh in his mind, he buries himself in a heap of pillows and blankets and wishes that he could erase his entire existence.

Yeah.

Sometimes Yamaguchi Tadashi really hated himself.

-

Tsukki traces the steps he had walked on so many times before, humming quietly.

He was trying to stay home and listen to music by himself, but for whatever reason, he couldn’t get Yamaguchi out of his mind.

The look of shame and pain in his best friends eyes lingered behind in the blonde’s head, the image popping up every time Tsukki even closed his eyes.

And so, he figured he’d go visit his best friend. (Although he would never admit it, nope, he definitely did not enjoy the other’s presence what-so-ever, nope, he just hung around him because he had nothing better to do.)

When he arrived at the brunette’s doorstep, he knelt down and picked up the spare key Yamaguchi’s family would leave for him. (Which did not touch Tsukki’s heart in any way - It’s not like he adored the miny dinosaur print Yamaguchi had chosen for him or anything.)

Unlocking the door with ease, he called out a “Yo, it’s Tsukishima,” and made his way up the wooden-carved stairs to his best friends room.

-

“Hey, it’s Tsukishima,” A deep, calming, familiar voice called out. Yamaguchi shifted in his bed, poking his head out of the blanket heap he had created. He didn’t really want to see the blonde, but he supposed some company would do him good.

“Come in,” He said, watching the wooden-door creak open, revealing Tsukki behind it. “Yo - Oh wow, you look like shit.” His best friend closed the door gently, making his way over to Yamaguchi’s bed. “Bad day?”

Yamaguchi snorted, “Yeah.” He smiled weakly at the other, continuing to look at him even though his lungs protested at the action. He grasped at his pastel pink sheets, laying down and patting beside him as if to tell the other to lie down with him.

Surprisingly, he did, the two of them staring at the constellations plastered messily on the ceiling. After a pause, Tsukki asked slowly, “Want to talk about it?”

Yamaguchi smiled a little, knowing the others question was his own way of caring for him.

However, it is rather difficult to rant about your disease to the person who is the cause of it.

It would also lead to questioning, and the brunette knows that he can not lie to Tsukki for his life.

Perhaps to others, but definitely not to Tsukki.

“Not particularly,” He sighed out at last, “It’s just that I feel bad that I totally screwed up my serve.”

Tsukki frowns, “That’s okay. It could be worse,” He pauses, as if trying to choose his words carefully, “You could be Hinata.”

Yamaguchi snorts, giggling, knowing the blonde was trying to lighten the mood up.

“Sorry, wrong thing to say?”

“Nah, you’re good.”

His best friend grins cheekily, dimples widening.

And that’s when it suddenly occurs to Yamaguchi that they are very close.

So close that Yamaguchi could count the others smooth eyelashes, close enough to count every freckle that was lightly dusted across his nose bridge, close enough to see the crinkle of his eyes when he smiles, close enough to ki-

His lungs ache with a sharp pain at the thought, reminding Yamaguchi of his disease, and snapping him back to reality.

He scoffs gently, looking away from Tsukki’s face.

And they lie in silence, and Yamaguchi counts the others heartbeats, watches over every rise of the others chest, observes how the others shoulders shake when he laughs.

And he reaches out his hand, gripping Tsukki’s.

Just a little while longer.

I want to hold your hand just a little longer.

And he squeezes.

A pause.

And the other squeezes back.

Yamaguchi’s stupid heart flutters, even as his lungs protest.

I really can’t get over you, can I?

-

Surprisingly, Hinata is the first to find out.

It’s weird - You thought he’d be the last to ever discover.

And being Hinata, he accidentally blurts it out at practice, and all of a sudden, everyone’s eyes are on you.

Shit.

And he makes eye contact with Tsukki, who has dropped the volleyball in his arms out of shock, the headphones resting on his shoulders.

His honey gold eyes - Fuck, they’re the same colour as the flowers - Are etched with shock, frozen in place.

And being the coward he is, he turns.

And sprints.

Because what else is he supposed to do? Let them interrogate him?

Yeah.

Nah.

And so he sprints, ignoring the growing knot in his chest, tears burning.

He takes a deep breath, attempting to inhale through the knot in his throat, but his vision is blurring and panic is racing through his veins. He falls, coughing violently, tears pricking at his eyes. He gasps for air, grasping at the air around him, willing for oxygen.

It hurts.

Hurts.

Hurts.

Hurts.

Hurts.

Hurts.

Hurts so much.

… Pathetic.

-

Tsukishima stares at the door in which Yamaguchi had fled out of, just 10 minutes ago.

The air is scarily silent.

It feels as if he’s in an icy tundra, and he shivers, his eyes never leaving the door.

Hinata has his hands clapped over his mouth, as if he could take his statement back.

… Yamaguchi.

Hanahaki disease.

“Shit,” He hisses, immediately kicking off his volleyball shoes, panic settling in.

“Tsukishima, where are you-” Daichi’s voice trails off by the sharp glare Tsukki sends towards the team. He scoffs, turning to look at Daichi.

“After my best friend, where else?”

And he sprints out the door, leaving behind the icy tundra, ignoring the team’s cries.

And you know what’s scary?

Even after he leaves the tundra, it’s still cold.

He shivers.

-

He collapses on the concrete floor, heaving up heaps of petals, the flowers clogging up his lungs.

He doesn’t know if he can breathe properly, or even think properly, fuck, he can’t even see clear - His vision is a blur, wobbling with each frantic step, watery from the burning tears.

In the back of his mind, he faintly recognizes it as a panic attack.

It doesn’t help - The air is still too warm, driving him crazy.

Too warm. Too hot. Wait, no. It’s cold. Cold? Too cold? Too warm. Too hot. Too cold.

His head hurts, spinning, and he wants to scream, cry, fight, anything to stop the voice in his head driving him crazy.

His throat aches, and he gasps for breath, but the petals stand in the way, choking him and-

The last memory he has is a scream, tears, a flash of blonde hair, and sirens.

-

His lungs burn with both ice and fire. Freezing. Burning. It hurts so bad…

Poison ivy creeping around his heart, daggers being plunged into his throat. White, burning, pain. Flashes. Thorns binding him to a ...bed? They’re sharp. Clouds surrounding his head, choking him. He wants to gasp for air, but it’s dizzy and he can’t move.

Black gas crowding around him, running across his neck, inside his nostrils, ripping his eyes out. Blood trickling down his throat, but he can’t swallow it. It drives him crazy.

All sounds are a blur.

He can’t tell how much time has passed.

Time. What is time? Time to die. Wish. What are wishes?

He wishes he could die.

He blacks out again, and this time he’s thankful for the warm waters lulling him to sleep.

After all, they distract him from the pain.

-

He can feel two hands on his.

They’re warm, comforting, and he yearns for more.

He attempts to reach out towards this warmth, but to no avail.

He can hear a bit more now - Words scattering across his mind, tickling him.

Hehe.

Tsukki used to tickle him.

Tsukki?

Who is Tsukki?

The name sends a sharp, white-hot pain coursing through his body.

Ow.

He decides the name Tsukki isn’t very nice.

‘We can’t do the surgery, we don’t have permission.’

Surgery?

Why?

… Who is he right now?

All he can remember is the name Tsukki.

Tsukki.

He feels petals crawling around his throat, binding him to the name.

Tsukki.

A glimpse of a reserved smile just for him, a shimmer of a snicker.

‘Yamaguchi.’

The name Tsukki calls, beckoning him.

Him?

Huh.

He supposes he is Yamaguchi.

Weird.

If he’s supposed to be Yamaguchi, why does he feel such a strong dislike for the name?

Hm.

Whatever.

And he lays there, waiting for the warm waters to soothe him again.

-

Lights. So very bright. Too bright.

He blinks groggily, seeing a glimpse of blonde hair and white headphones.

Yamaguchi squints. The colours swirl around his head, but he promptly ignores him as he reaches out limply for Tsukki.

Finally, his vision clears just a bit, and he meets his best friends eyes, the colour of the flowers.

“Yamaguchi?” Tsukki croaks out, voice raspy and eyes red from crying.

Guilt twists inside Yamaguchi’s stomach.

He smiles weakly at the blonde, tears at the edge of his eyes.

“Hey.”

-

Before he knew it, Tsukishima had wrapped his arms around the brunette, patting him as if he couldn’t believe he was real, was here, was alive.

(Because y’know what? Screw it. He thoroughly enjoyed the presence of the other - Most people would assume Tsukishima was Yamaguchi’s life support, but really, it was the other way around.)

“I can’t believe you’re here,” He murmured into Yamaguchi’s shoulder, holding back tears. The freckled-boy patted him hesitantly, smiling sadly.

Tsukki looked up, pushing his glasses up his nose bridge. “Sorry,” He said. “I don’t know what came over me.” He paused, and laughed softly. “I just- missed you, I suppose.”

The brunette laughed back. “Thanks Tsukki,” He said.

Tsukki smiled awkwardly, trying to ignore the elephant in the room.

Who?

Yamaguchi caught the blonde’s glance at his throat, letting out a small sigh. “It’s okay Tsukki, you can ask whatever is bothering you.” At this, Tsukki’s head snapped up, and he rubbed the back of his neck. He inhaled sharply.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

His best friend looked at the ground, twitching his fingers.

“Well, it’s not something you just spring onto someone, is it?” He replied, his voice going quieter. Tsukishima shrugged, a bit annoyed. “I’m your best friend, Yamaguchi.” He paused for a second, contemplating his words. “Sorry, I just thought you would tell me.” He said, a hint of anger in his voice.

Yamaguchi frowned. “What was I supposed to do?” He asked sharply, his voice louder.

Tsukki clicked his tongue, a bit angry now - “Just tell me! I was worried about you, y’know-”

“Just say,” Yamaguchi said, interrupting the blonde, “‘By the way, I have had hanahaki disease for 5 years, and it’s for you! You’re the reason why I choke on petals everyday as it feels like my lungs are getting ripped apart while I bleed, the roots of the flower slowly murdering me! Surprise!’” He spits out, making jazz hands in the air.

Immediately afterwards, he seems to realize what he said and claps his hands over his mouth.

What.

-

Shit. Shit. I didn’t mean to blurt that out.

Fuck.

Tsukishima is staring at him, jaw dropped to the floor and eyes widened.

“What,” He hisses out finally. Yamaguchi averts his gaze, biting his bottom lip. “Yamaguchi,” The blonde repeats again, louder and firmer. He winces.

Tsukki is shaking. “When were you going to tell me that I’m the cause for all this?? Five years, Tadashi, five fucking years! Five years I’ve been responsible for your pain-” Midway through, his voice cracks, and it sends a jolt of guilt through Yamaguchi. The brunette clenches his teeth, “It’s not exactly easy to tell someone that they’ve loved their best friend for five years!”

Quieter, he mutters, “And I knew you didn’t like me back anyways, but I didn’t want to do the surgery and forget either.” Tsukki laughs angrily, “And what made you think I didn’t love you back?”

Wait, what?

Stop. Pause. Rewind.

Did he just say -

Apparently the shock he felt showed on his face, because afterwards Tsukki snickered at his facial expression. “C’mon, Yamaguchi, you just going to leave me hanging?”

His jaw remains open, disbelieving. “You-” He stutters, stumbling over his words, “You love me back?”

Tsukishima rolls his eyes, a familiar action, “Duh,” He scoffs. “I can’t believe you didn’t notice, you idiot.” He scowls. “I love you, even if you are a fucking idiot for not realizing eariler.”

Finally, finally, after he says those simple three words, the realization kicks in, and the result -

The result -

Yamaguchi can feel his body spasm, his lungs being refreshed and his throat unclogging, the mist he’s been seeing for days fading away before his very eyes.

A taste of something - Salty and refreshing. A breath of fresh air. Rivers running up, oceans pulling back, air escaping lungs.

He jolts, realizing that-

He’s crying.

Tsukki notices, jumping a little. “Woah, hey, what’s wrong? Did I say something?” He asks frantically, his hands shaking as he waved them in front of Yamaguchi’s face. Yamaguchi laughs a little, brushing back the flowing stream of tears with both his hands.

He swipes at them, laugh slowly turning into a sob.

They keep flowing, their touch like feathers brushing across his face, and it’s like the warm waters are washing through him again, light and gentle and familiar and ever-so comforting.

“Are you okay?” His best friend - No, lover, oh my goodness, lover asks.

He nods in response, throwing himself into Tsukishima’s arms, welcoming the warmth and comfort of the familiar arms of his lover.

“Oh god,” He says, tears running down his cheeks. Tsukki chuckles at the sight, brushing off a tear.

It sends shivers down Yamaguchi’s spine.

“The entire time throughout these five years, I’ve just been thinking, I can’t get over you,” He mumbled, still hugging the blonde. “So, Yamaguchi language for ‘I’m gay as fuck’?” Tsukki cracks a joke, grinning. Yamaguchi laughs loudly, pulling back.

“I love you so much,” He says softly.

“...” Tsukki flushes red, and he scowls.

“I love you too.” He replies at last. “I love you so, so much.”

The last petal falls from the brunette’s mouth, the sunshine colour never fading, nor wilting.

“Yellow rose,” Tsukki murmurs.

“Huh?”

“Meaning - Friendship, joy, happiness, warmth, familiarity.” He says slowly, flicking his eyes to Yamaguchi. The freckled-boy chuckled gently, “Fits perfectly, hm?”

And he pulls his lover down for a kiss.

And another,

And another.

-

Yamaguchi inhales deeply, air coming to him easily.

He stares at the ball in his hands, hearing the referee’s whistle blow.

And he stretches his wings.

He throws the ball up in the air, hitting it gently.

And it soars -

Hitting the ground.

A service ace.

Screams ring out across the room, adrenaline pumping through his veins.

Holy crap.

He flew.

He did it.

He turns to Tsukki, a grin at his lips.

And Tsukki smiles back, giving a thumbs up.

And he mouths something.

‘You did it.’

‘I love you.’

And he laughs, loudly and without filter.

I still haven’t gotten over you.

I don’t think I ever will.

**Author's Note:**

> head in hands i told you not to read it


End file.
